"The Paradox of Getting What We Want"
George Bernard Shaw
once said, “There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart’s
desire. The other is to gain it.”
The psychology of
human wants is paradoxical. The failure to achieve a goal can lead to
unhappiness and despair. Yet, attaining an objective can produce the aftermath
of vagueness and weariness. Hope, a necessary and healthy psychological
function, but can also turn destructive sometimes. When we base our happiness
on the expectation of great things, then the achievement of that great thing
will paradoxically remove us from our happiness. This is one of the reasons why
we self-sabotage and avoid things that will make us happy. Because by achieving
our dreams, we are forced to give up the joy that a dream lends us.
Have you ever felt
that blue feeling you get after achievement, the emptiness after reaching a
huge goal? We strain to grasp the things we desire, the things such as money,
popularity, fame we believe will make our lives better, we ignore the simple
things in life like friendship, family, love what truly matters. The goal gives
us a powerful sense of direction and order. It satisfies the natural desire to
do something, and we feel good as we progress and check off milestones. But
once the objective we worked for so long and hard is behind us, we feel that we
can't define ourselves the way we did before. We often feel empty because of what
the achievements mean. We start to question ourselves in a million
ways. Psychology explains, our brain releases dopamine, a hormone associated
with motivation and happiness, in anticipation of reward. And when we plan for
something, we're in a biological position to feel good. Each milestone gives us
another dopamine hit, which makes us want to keep going with the job. But when
we reach our goal, the release of dopamine drops. Then sometimes it gets harder
for us biochemically to have joy. And once we achieve our long time goal, the
release of dopamine starts to drop off. There is an order of bleak with sides
of apathy, disappointment, and emptiness. This also happens when we are
ridiculously sure that we are going to reach the goal, we essentially trick
our brain into behaving as we have already reached the end. The work already
seems done or as a mere formality, in such case, the dopamine starts to drop
off before it otherwise would. Then, when we get to the finish line, it
doesn't feel as satisfying. Brain releases soothing dopamine, that sometimes
makes us experience that when we arrive at a certain destination, then only
we’ll be happy.
We often make
ourselves believe in goals such as “Once I get the promotion, I will feel like
my career is on track. After this busy period, I won’t have to work so much and
can spend time doing things I enjoy. When I make six-figures, I will be
financially secure enough to start a family.” In our goal-oriented society,
setting goals is a powerful motivator that drives personal progress. But
sometimes we achieve that goal, and still, life doesn’t look or feel any
different. Few things that can help us overcome the slump and get
back to a place where we feel excited about our work and proud of our accomplishments again.
- After finishing a big goal,
allow yourself to regroup, recharge, and figure out what you want to work
on next.
- Try to explore new possibilities
that are slightly outside the comfort zone. Workaholism can take away your
creativity.
- Don’t jump on doing something
just for the sake of working, it can leave you feeling worse.
- Reward yourself for completing
a goal/task.
