"The Paradox of Getting What We Want"

"The Paradox of Getting What We Want"

George Bernard Shaw once said, “There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.”

The psychology of human wants is paradoxical. The failure to achieve a goal can lead to unhappiness and despair. Yet, attaining an objective can produce the aftermath of vagueness and weariness. Hope, a necessary and healthy psychological function, but can also turn destructive sometimes. When we base our happiness on the expectation of great things, then the achievement of that great thing will paradoxically remove us from our happiness. This is one of the reasons why we self-sabotage and avoid things that will make us happy. Because by achieving our dreams, we are forced to give up the joy that a dream lends us.

 Have you ever felt that blue feeling you get after achievement, the emptiness after reaching a huge goal? We strain to grasp the things we desire, the things such as money, popularity, fame we believe will make our lives better, we ignore the simple things in life like friendship, family, love what truly matters. The goal gives us a powerful sense of direction and order. It satisfies the natural desire to do something, and we feel good as we progress and check off milestones. But once the objective we worked for so long and hard is behind us, we feel that we can't define ourselves the way we did before. We often feel empty because of what the achievements mean. We start to question ourselves in a million ways. Psychology explains, our brain releases dopamine, a hormone associated with motivation and happiness, in anticipation of reward. And when we plan for something, we're in a biological position to feel good. Each milestone gives us another dopamine hit, which makes us want to keep going with the job. But when we reach our goal, the release of dopamine drops. Then sometimes it gets harder for us biochemically to have joy. And once we achieve our long time goal, the release of dopamine starts to drop off. There is an order of bleak with sides of apathy, disappointment, and emptiness. This also happens when we are ridiculously sure that we are going to reach the goal, we essentially trick our brain into behaving as we have already reached the end. The work already seems done or as a mere formality, in such case, the dopamine starts to drop off before it otherwise would. Then, when we get to the finish line, it doesn't feel as satisfying. Brain releases soothing dopamine, that sometimes makes us experience that when we arrive at a certain destination, then only we’ll be happy.

We often make ourselves believe in goals such as “Once I get the promotion, I will feel like my career is on track. After this busy period, I won’t have to work so much and can spend time doing things I enjoy. When I make six-figures, I will be financially secure enough to start a family.” In our goal-oriented society, setting goals is a powerful motivator that drives personal progress. But sometimes we achieve that goal, and still, life doesn’t look or feel any different. Few things that can help us overcome the slump and get back to a place where we feel excited about our work and proud of our accomplishments again.

• After finishing a big goal, allow yourself to regroup, recharge, and figure out what you want to work on next.
• Try to explore new possibilities that are slightly outside the comfort zone. Workaholism can take away your creativity.
• Don’t jump on doing something just for the sake of working, it can leave you feeling worse.
• Reward yourself for completing a goal/task.

Aching Desire

Yesterday I held your hand, gently I pressed it,

The tender softness and fingers fat

From my soul, I welcomed it.

 

But today I sit alone, sad and discontent;

Must our golden days know?

The flames burning within, pure and holy

 

Yesterday I walked with you, could I ask any better?

Life was all a lyric song

 

Oh, today is like a mournful song, longing for you

Passing by slow and dark

 

Let me place my arms around you, let me feel the same dear joy

As when first, I found you.

 Let me again repeat my steps, let my heart and mind and soul

Ignore all the present.

Human History: Waves of Epidemics

In recent days I have often heard people saying “We are in the state of war, the war against the virus.” The current outbreak of deadly coronavirus has brought the world in pause. The world has come to a screeching halt. Investors all around the world have been worried about the collapsing stock market, airlines are cutting flights due to travel bans, the cruise industry is in crisis. Before the current outbreak, In 2014-16, the world had witnessed Ebola virus disease (EVD), formerly known as Ebola hemorrhagic fever, which is rare but severe and often causes fatal illness in humans. In 2018-19 again the outbreak in the eastern Democratic Republic of Congo with few cases were reported.

If we go back checking the history of the epidemic we will find the death toll much higher than the current outbreak, which is mostly because of the current medical advances.

• The Black Death - The Invention of Quarantine hit Europe in 1347, claimed nearly 200 million lives in just four years.
• Flu Pandemic in the year 1968, also known as “the Hong Kong Flu.” The 1968 pandemic resulting in the deaths of more than a million people, including approximately 15% of the Hong Kong population at the time.
• The Scarlet Fever in 1858, England experienced its biggest scarlet fever epidemic, the bacterial infection that occurred after strep throat. During the epidemic, 95% of people who caught the virus were children.
• The Spanish Flu in 1918-20, which pushed some native communities to the brink of extinction. The flu infected an ~500 million people worldwide (about one-third of the planet's population) and killed approximately 50 million victims. The flu was first observed in Europe, the US, and later in the year 1957 in some parts of Asia cause nearly 70,000 deaths before a vaccine became available.
• In 2003, Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS), was identified after several months of cases. The syndrome started in China from bats, then to cats and then to humans, followed by 26 other countries, infecting 8,096 people, with 774 deaths. And many more such as Whooping cough (2010, 2014), Asian Flu (1957-58), H1N1 Swine Flu pandemic (2009-10), Zika Virus epidemic (2015-present day). But in the past, there wasn't the same kind of speed of communication about the movement of disease. The news about disease spread traveled more slowly which led to delay response in precautionary measures.

Global readiness for emerging infections with pandemic potential has improved by learning from past human history. But still, the global health communities have largely failed to take proactive measures in handling the outbreaks so far. Despite the advanced technological capacity for epidemic preparedness and response, we lack the economic sustainability and proactive strategy to address the outbreak. Considering the present, the emerging infections have now a better platform to spread, because of the number of factors such as increasing population, travel, urbanization, and climate change. These factors tend to favor the emergence, evolution, and spread of new pathogens. The virus now spread more vastly and before the alarm bell rings, the outbreak becomes critical. This is what happened with the Covid-19 pandemic. The most noticeable things to notice so far is how little countries did to prepare for it, despite watching it develop in China for months.

The outbreak may be hard to predict in advance, but the threat that the pathogens would pose to the world with underdeveloped health systems is not. The horrors of World War II stimulated the global leaders to form institutions like the World Health Organization (WHO) and UNICEF to promote economic development and confront humanitarian crises. We need active investment in health-care systems, and a structural international architecture to prevent, detect, and respond to future outbreaks and prepare the world for threats like COVID-19.

As I write, I have no clue what the ultimate effects of the coronavirus will be in the human history, but I hope that it will be like those of other epidemics which was stopped only by heroic communal efforts. In such time of crisis all we need to remember is that humanity had suffered much more worst and have always come out of it fighting courageously. This too shall pass, all we need to do is to stand strong and together (not literally, please maintain distance :) )

All I wanted...

All I wanted...

There is me standing at your door with my heart for you,

My heart aches, wanting your acceptance

Tears roll down my cheeks, waiting for your hand to wipe

Bruises in my heart need your tender touch

There is me standing at your door with my heart for you.

You say you will always be there for me, then why can’t I find you when I need you the most

You say you understand me well, then why are you not here when I want to share

You say I am strong, wise and smart, then why do I need your shoulder today

Open the door to my heart, let it enter and stay with you for a while

Coz when you open the door you find me standing, with my heart for you.

PS: Just a poem, no sympathy required :)

Eat, Work, Sanitize

Feels like it’s been more than a month into the new reality of lockdown, and the lines between work and home have started to blur into one. In the initial days of lockdown, everything still looked a bit novel and interesting, to check on how our parents are doing or how are our friends coping with it. But later it struck to me that we’re going to be living grounded for a few more days or months not knowing when this will end or when our lives will revert to how it was earlier. It’s like a bad song stuck on your head and you can’t get it out. You hum it even when you don’t want to….

Part of the difficulty is that we don’t know when this will end or when our lives will revert to some sense of normalcy. Working from the office gives a very different mindset to that of when we work from our home. However bad life may seem, we always find a ray of hope, and one of the good thing about quarantine is that we reconnected with old friends whom we haven’t talked in years. It’s great!

Last week, most of the days I stayed in bed until nearly 10:00 AM, staying up until 3 AM watching a documentary on Netflix, allowing myself to be shocked and bamboozled into another episode, convincing myself for just one more episode. I knew that before the constant procrastination sets in, I need to have a routine. Not overly-planned with details of every minute but something basic like a wake-up time, working hours, time for self-care and bedtime. For me, it looks like…

6 AM – Out of bed

6 AM to 8 AM – Me time(Mostly writing or reading something interesting)

9 AM to 6 PM – Work hours

7 PM – Exercise/Yoga

9 PM to 10 PM – Socializing/Video Calls with family and friends

12 AM – Hit the sack

I thank God that I have a balcony, where I can sit with a cup of coffee and work while enjoying the beautiful weather, sometimes ;)  (Hyderabad doesn’t bless you with pleasant weather during summers).

But here are a few pics...

When I wake up in the morning I hear dry leaves rustling and birds chirping. These are the lines comes to mind and I would like to share with all

“Sun shining bright and the still sound of cool breeze blows over my face. Listening to birds singing hymns, I tell my mind to be at ease  as nature is healing itself and me.”

Look for something which inspires and motivates you every day. Stay positive, safe and healthy.

What's Normal?

It’s been long that I haven’t written anything. Today I started feeling lonely as if I am missing something. I was thinking about this emptiness all day. Is it because I miss my family?  Or do I miss my friends? Should I call them? It was none of these as I still felt the same. Feeling of missing something for long.

Sometimes you don’t need to think too deep, the answer is just lying beside you shut down or may be closed in some drawer. Just need to open our diary or laptop and start writing, whatever you want, start with the thought that’s running in mind currently. Initially, we all feel lost but eventually, we all sort things out.

I have been thinking a lot about normality lately. How do we define normal? Is the definition of being normal based on the perception of what is normal to society. Does normal signify to what we see the most or absence of significant suffering?

What we see or consider as normal could be completely odd to others. Normal doesn’t mean "free of discomfort”, it is not the equivalent of oblivious. No one can conclude what’s the right thing to be done and that the right situation to change. We come from different backgrounds, different upbringings, and families. If we don’t agree with something that others like, it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with us. We’re all entitled to our opinions and tastes. The idea of ‘normal’ is mainly shaped by social standards. The normal emotional gamut or an outburst of adolescence and adulthood is treated as a problem and expect drugs to fix it. It’s okay to feel sad because you caught your mate cheating on you or to grow anxious because you can't pay your bills. It’s okay to be bored and restless because your job underutilizes you. It’s not unhealthy and doesn’t require any medical attention. Most of the time people fear being their self, they wear the mask which is acceptable by the society because if you don’t do so you’re considered to be an outcast or labeled as weird. The definition of ‘normal’ varies from one person to another. Until a few decades ago, it was not normal to have a tattoo or to be a homosexual. It was unthinkable to confront certain cultural norms, but what was abnormal then is now acceptable to many.

Does Normal mean:

1.      Forget who we are and what we want, working from nine till five every day at something that gives you no pleasure.

2.      Waking up each morning to a hysterical alarm clock.

3.      Keeping a smile on your lips even when you’re on the verge of tears. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ for crying.

4.      Following fashion trends.

5.      Be in a bad marriage and try to mend it.

6.      Normal dictates that you ought to be married by 30 with children, as time is running out.

Memory of Water

Gange ca yamune chaiva...godavari saraswati |

Nàrmade sindhu kaveri jalesmin sannidhim kuru ||*

Water memory basically mean the claimed ability of water to retain a memory of substances previously dissolved in it even after the various number of serial dilutions. It is fascinating to consider that water is the ultimate receiver and carrier of information. A single drop of water can store information beyond someone’s imagination. This suggests that as our brain is 95% water, the watery content of the brain makes it a far more powerful information processor. Water registers energetic imprint from substances, activities and the frequency of thought to which it has been exposed. As water travels, it picks up and stores information from all of the places that it has traveled through, which can thereby connect people to a lot of different places and sources of information when they drink this water, depending on the journey that it has been on. An astonishing paper authored by Nobel prize-winning Luc Montagnier describes memory effects in aqueous DNA solutions. The author proposes the idea that water can carry information via an electromagnetic imprint from DNA and other molecules. It is considered that the easily influenced structure of water is far more significant than our preoccupation with its chemistry. After examining individual drops of water at high magnification, scientists derived that each droplet of water has an individual microscopic pattern, each distinguishable from the next and uniquely beautiful.

Another experiment was then carried out where a real flower was placed into a body of water, and after a while, a sample droplet of the water was taken out for examination. When magnified, the resulted showed a mesmerizing pattern, all of the droplets of this water looked very similar. A similar experiment was done with a different species of flower, the magnified droplet looked completely different, determining that a particular flower is evident in each droplet of water. Through this discovery shows that water has a memory and a new perception of water can be formed.

Human Emotions Change Water:

The human body is made up of 70% water, and our DNA holds a code through which every individual is different from one another by the information of this code. Conclusions could be drawn that human tears can hold a unique memory of an individual being, through the body’s store of water hosting a complete store of information that is linked to individual experience. Water is the information carrier that changes the blood, tissues and reflects the very character of human consciousness. It is believed that beautiful symmetry occurs when water is exposed to loving and uplifting influence.

Importance of the Glassware:

Mostly glass is preferred over polypropylene tubes in research labs because the dissolved silica is capable of forming solid particles with complementary structures to dissolved solutes and macro molecules and such particles will remember these complementary structures essentially forever. Water store and transmit information, relating to solutes, through its hydrogen-bonded network. It is worth noting that contact with water may change glass surfaces forever; a 'memory' effect.

Greek Mythology explains Water:

The ideas of Thales, in Metaphysics 983 b6 8–11, 17–21 water is described as “That from which is everything that exists and from which it first becomes and into which it is rendered at last, its substance remaining under it, but transforming in qualities, that they say is the element and principle of things that are. …For it is necessary that there be some nature, either one or more than one, from which become the other things of the object being saved... Thales the founder of this type of philosophy says that it is water.”

Importance of Water in the Vedic Period and Sacred Hindu texts (Veda, Upanishads and Samhita):

In Vedic texts, water is referred to as Apah or the Waters. Water is considered to be purifying in a spiritual context. ‘Hail to you, divine, unfathomable, all purifying Waters…’(Rig Veda). Water is considered as the first residence or Ayana of Nara, the Eternal Being and therefore water is considered to be the underlying principle or the very foundation of the universe. Atharva Vedas identifies water as the very essence of spiritual sacrifice or ‘the first door to attain the divine order’. In Hindu mythology, water is taken in the palm while taking Sankalpa (solemn vow or determination to perform a task), because water will hold the memory of that vow.

I will be writing more on “The importance of Water in our Vedas and Upanishads” in my next blog. Till then let the thoughts inspire you to drink more water!

* Thanks to my dear friend to enlighten me with these wise words.

The Lucky Break

While reading, came across this interesting piece of advice:

The noun and the verb: Many people want to be the noun without doing the verb. They want the job title without the work. Doing the verb will take you someplace further and far more interesting than just wanting the noun.

The philosopher and writer Nassim Taleb once said: “Hard work will get you a professorship or a BMW. You need both work and luck for a Booker, a Nobel, or a private jet.” Enormous success and outlier accomplishments require that and extreme luck or timing.

It’s not true to think that the world is a meritocracy. Plenty of brilliant people fail to succeed and plenty of not-so-brilliant people find themselves successful beyond their wildest dreams. The world is random and a cruel place that does not always reward merit or hard work/skill. Sometimes it does, but not always. Still, the more usable and practical distinction to make is between what is up to us and what is not up to us. Being recognized for your work may be on someone else but becoming an expert in a field, that’s up to us. Keep reading, learning, going out and experiencing things. Marcus Aurelius said that the key to life was to tie our sanity—our sense of satisfaction—to our actions. We cannot control every situation in our life, but we can always control what we feel and do about it. We should realize that we have power over our minds but not outside events. Will is the ability to choose our perception and take the action we can even when the odds seem unbeatable.

And of course the mother of all philosophies, Bhagavad Gita:

karmanyevaadhikaaraste maa phaleshu kadaachana |

maa karmaphalaheturbhuu maatesangotsvakarmani ||

Chapter 2, Verse 47

This is probably one of the most famous shlokas from Bhagavad Gita and we all have heard of at some point. Krishna here explains that never consider yourself to be the cause of the results as results are not solely depends on your efforts. It depends on multiple factors, for example, situation, other people who are involved. Also, do not attach yourself to inaction because sometimes when the work is hard and burdensome, we opt to inaction.

Do work. Be happy with that. Everything else is irrelevant.

What is Procrastination and how to overcome it?

All procrastination is delay, but not all delay is procrastination. If put in simple words, it is the avoidance of doing a task that needs to be accomplished by a certain deadline. Etymologically the origin of the word “procrastination” comes from the Latin verb procrastinare, which means to put off until tomorrow. It is also derived from the ancient Greek word akrasia — doing something against our better judgment. Psychology explains procrastination as an emotion regulation problem, not a time management problem. Behavioral psychology research explains this as a phenomenon called “time inconsistency.” It is the tendency where human brain value immediate rewards more highly than future rewards. This tendency of delaying helps us understand why procrastination seems to pull us in despite our good intentions.

Let’s accept the fact that we all have faced procrastination at one point or another. It is relatable and universal because the human brain is actually wired for it. We struggle with delaying and avoiding the issues that matter to us. Study identified that there are two areas of brain that determine whether we are more likely to get on with a task or continually put it off. The amygdala - an almond-shaped structure in the temporal (side) lobe and dorsal anterior cingulate cortex (DACC) plays a major role to process and control actions. DACC receives information from the amygdala and decides the action for body. For procrastinators,  the connection between the amygdala and DACC are not as good as in proactive individuals. During emotional situation such as overwhelm/fear to fail, norepinephrine chemical takes over, increasing the levels of fear and anxiety and adrenaline gets pumped in. Different people experience procrastination for different reasons. Most common reasons are anxiety about the outcome of work, struggle with delayed gratification, easily distracted by the surrounding, unable to make decisions in a timely manner.

Understanding why we procrastinate is beneficial, since it can help figure out the answers. The capacity to self-monitor, convert tasks into small and measurable steps is an important executive function to avoid procrastination. Learn to acknowledge the errors, but forgive your procrastination habits and move forward. It will help reduce it in the future.

Hope you find it a good read!!

WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?

Forgiveness simply mean not letting negative events of the past define how you feel about someone/something in the present. Forgiveness increases feelings of happiness and decreases feelings of anger and grief. It helps alleviate anxiety and depression and makes you less self-conscious or insecure around others. Forgiving should not be mixed with forgetting. You can forgive someone and still remove them from your life. Forgive for your own sake and move on with your life. Carrying bitterness is like holding onto anger towards yourself or others, which weighs you down like a chain hanging across your shoulders. It drains energy, increases stress. Forgiveness is a purely psychological process and doesn’t necessarily have any real-world repercussions. Forgiveness is not as easy as to say. It’s not a cure-all process.

There are times when you forgive someone and still in future finds it difficult to deal with them or prefer to avoid at all cost but that’s very normal. Dealing with the situation can make you go through the forgiveness process all over again. Generally, people who do hurtful things, because they are hurt themselves. If we look for some explanation of their motivation by separating the action from the person, it’s possible that we might get to understand their perspective better. Whether the reasons are true or not is another point of discussion. Basically the point is that no one thinks they’re evil, everyone feels justified in what they are doing, otherwise they wouldn’t do it, simple! Without understanding someone’s motive, it’s impossible to understand them. And when it comes down to it, forgiveness is ultimately a form of empathy*. It's the utmost difficult thing to do but also one of the most important human skills. Empathy is one of the only things that separates us from animals as it gives us a foothold into morality. It’s important to let go of the emotional attachment that have developed around hating the person’s guts for so long. Let the hatred and anger wash away, let the visions of revenge and misfortune die. It’s not helping anyone, especially not you.

But when it’s we who had done something wrong, we tend to repent in shame and guilt for ever doing. How do we forgive ourselves?

Past regret can take us through a different range of emotional states. One side of the spectrum is the dark lament where we repent and feel how flawed we are. But the other side of regret is the light that shines, guiding us to a better understanding of ourselves and ultimately accepting our flaws. The slow burn of a regret carries on for years is really like a death by a thousand tiny cuts. Forgiving yourself is important so that you can move on in life. We struggle to empathize with ourselves or to have compassion for ourselves. To do that might take years of hard work towards self but once you do there is no looking back. Instead of focusing on the past of who you were, focus on the present/future of who you could be.

* Empathy means to take whatever pain motivated that person and pretending you’ve gone through it yourself and then deciding what you would’ve done in the similar situation.

About CAA and NRC

The Citizenship Amendment Act, 2019 was introduced and passed by Lok Sabha on Dec 09, 2019 and by Rajya Sabha on Dec 11, 2019. It amended the Citizenship Act of 1955* by providing a path to Indian citizenship for illegal migrants of Hindu, Sikh, Buddhist, Jain, Parsi, and Christian religious minorities, who had fled persecution from Pakistan, Bangladesh and Afghanistan before December 2014. It exempts certain areas in the North-East from this provision. In 2016, a Bill was introduced to amend the Citizenship Act, 1955. The Citizenship Act was amended in 1992, 2003, 2005 and 2015. In December 2003, the National Democratic Alliance (NDA) government, led by Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP), passed the Citizenship Amendment Act, 2003 with far-reaching revisions of the Citizenship Act. The amendment also mandated the Government of India (GoI) to create and maintain a National Register of Citizens (NRC). The bill was passed in Lok Sabha with 311 MPs voting in favor and 80 against the bill whereas it was passed in Rajya Sabha with 125 votes in favor and 105 votes against it. The National Register of Citizens (NRC) is a registry of all legal citizens, whose construction and maintenance was mandated by the 2003 amendment of the Citizenship Act. Currently it is implemented only in Assam, but is expected to be implemented for the whole of India by September 2020.

The BJP restated its commitment to amend the Citizenship Act in its 2019 election campaign. After the elections, the BJP government drafted a bill addressing the concerns of northeastern states. It excluded Arunachal Pradesh, Mizoram, Nagaland, Tripura, Meghalaya and Manipur, except for non-tribal cities exempted under pre-existing regulations. It also excluded some tribal areas of Assam.

Exclusion of Communities:

·         Muslims from Pakistan, Bangladesh and Afghanistan are not offered eligibility for citizenship under the new Act.

·         The Act does not mention the Hindu refugees from Sri Lanka.

·         The Act does not provide relief to Tibetan Buddhist refugees, as they remain refugees and do not have the right to acquire Indian nationality.

·         The Act does not address Rohingya Muslim refugees from Myanmar. The Indian government has already been deporting Rohingya refugees back to Myanmar.

*The Citizenship Act, 1955 regulates who may acquire Indian citizenship and on what grounds. 

** http://egazette.nic.in/WriteReadData/2019/214646.pdf

Millennial's Borrowing Trend

Millennial age came during the time of transition in both the economy and in the landscape of higher education. College costs have risen significantly, four-year college increasing 68% since the 1999-2000 academic year. Most of the millennial start their working lives with a lot of debt. The sad reality is that debt is a modern-day necessity. According to the YouGov-Mint Millennial Survey, levels of indebtedness for millennial are not alarmingly high. Certain reports suggests that 23% millennial in India borrows for travel and lifestyle expenses with an average frequency of repeat loans is 60 days. Reasons can only be explained by easy access to borrowing, along with low levels of financial literacy.

Still the data is not fully reliable as there are many other factors which are to be taken into consideration also there is a different side of story where millennial are much more financially savvy and starts investing in a year after working.

The research shows that 70% of the loan are repeated with an average frequency of 60 days. 57% of the millennial prefer to borrow for the period of one month or less whereas 29% for three months and 14% for six months. The major chunk of loan goes to medical expenses which is ~31%.

Metro ranked in order of credit demand:

1. Bengaluru
2. Mumbai
3. Hyderabad
4. Delhi
5. Chennai
6. Kolkata